The loss of a loved one or caused by separation, death, divorce or rejection causes an intense emotion that feels as if the heart is physically being crushed. Sometimes the pain is so traumatic until it puts us in a state of being in which one may feel as if others don’t or won’t understand. Many find pen and paper to be the best of listeners and often serve as a road map to our healing. People have been writing to soothe, heal and mend broken hearts for years. From journals to personal blogs, pouring out emotions through our fingertips is often safe, nonjudgmental and cathartic.

The intense emotions of heartbreak can cause us to have a constant influx of thoughts in our heads. Often intrusive and repetitious ruminations reflecting on the many questions involved. Why did this happen? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? Although our friends and family members are supportive, the reiteration of those feelings can cause them to become frustrated or start avoiding us. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, people seem to put time limits on pain and when we fail to “just get over it” people take it as a sign of being damaged goods. Expressing our feelings by writing often helps to avoid that label and can often help us purge those emotions and thoughts. When things are written down, we are able to see, reflect and analyze while in essence talking to the one who knows best, yourself. Purging those rolling emotions and allowing them to come to the surface can often put a symbolic brake on them.

Writing to mend a broken heart takes a subconscious effort to not only rehash emotions and negativity but also to ask ask yourself questions about your feelings and open up self-dialogue about the issue. Wallowing isn’t going to do anything but reinforce the negativity. In order to gain any benefit one has to ask a question of where do I go from here, and slowly make steps at progress. The focus should be on bring the issues to the surface to become more mindful of them, and setting personal goals to help yourself move forward. A good example of this is a song that was written by Elliot Yamin concerning an ex-girlfriend. In the song, he places emphasis on what he put into the relationship, how he felt when it wasn’t reciprocated and his intentions of moving on with life. Such is the case whether you are writing a song, diary entry or creating a character to live through vicariously.

One has to keep in mind that perfection has no bearing on healing when it comes to writing. Neatness, grammar, sentence structure and spelling should be the least of ones worries. What matters most is the content and how it is being processed. Nonetheless, writing should never take the place of seeking medical attention. Writing doesn’t always solve the problem but it does help. A good example of such a case is the late jazz singer Phyllis Hyman. She often would write extremely expressive songs about her personal life and loneliness. Her last song, titled, “living all alone” details how she could no longer go on without a life partner or companionship. Yet, the striking thing about her songs was that many only expressed the emotions but there was never any analysis of why or any thoughts conveying closure. Unfortunately, she committed suicide, shortly after that song was released which can only serve to make us aware that writing does not work for everyone. Regardless of how many songs or journal entries, there are times when medical intervention is necessary.