The Secrets of My Success as a Writer

It is raining all day, so even it is weekend, I can’t go out. So I come up with this mischievous idea of writing an article that will completely ruin all your potential as a reader. I will make sure that once you finish this article, the level of wisdom with which you started it, remains fairly unchanged. Bad taste of the language has always accompanied my writings. Wrong spelling and abused grammar has always been my faithful servant. I wonder if I could write a single article without their humble service. The readers, however, shouldn’t assume that all these things were accidentally included in my writings. These errors and anomalies have been strategically placed in order to give my compositions an unconventional appearance. If everybody writes in the same way, how am I supposed to be uniquely identified among thousands of authors? Being conspicuous, in the world of writing, is way better than being correct. Writers who write pages after pages without actually making a single mistake are completely unaware of the fact that they are actually making all possible efforts to represent themselves as extremely boring to general readers. Besides, errors, especially the grammatical ones, call for more attention so that the readers may not loose interest.

Whenever I write an article I try to make sure that after reading my piece the readers don’t have to read anything else at least for a week, and indeed, once they read my article they invariably decide to postpone all their readings for the next few days. I have also been reported that the articles, especially the humorous ones were extremely helpful to the readers who were insomniac or even somnambulists. No sooner they finish a page, they doze off. Many good ladies slapped their fellow passengers who were reading my articles on train. The ladies complained that during their slumber those boys tried to take advantage of them. I don’t know if such thing is possible at all.

Most of my readers are so impressed with my unconventional method of writing that they bless me all the time. I am often too shy to acknowledge one of the few readers I meet personally. Last weekend I went out with one of my friend. On our way we met a person who turned very enthusiastic on seeing me. He blessed me from a distance saying “Rest in peace”, but never actually approached me to have a nice conversation. I was so overwhelmed with this extraordinary act of benevolence that I immediately inquired my friend if he knew the good man. My friend said that he not only knew this person but also have been one of his friends. My friend suggested that the man was one of my admirers and has extremely high opinion on my writings. Needless to say how impressed I was. One thing that I didn’t understand is that why this man disappeared after demonstrating such generosity. 

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