Q & A’s on Writing, in No Special Order

Why do writers write?
 The world of creative endeavor recognizes two kinds of writers: those who write for money and those who hope to write for money.

Why do you write?
 A bit of both: Occasionally, I write for pay and get it. More frequently, as it turns out, I only thought I was writing for money.

Cannot one write for love of writing?
 Few can sustain the effort if they do not love to write. Even fewer can justify spending a lot of time writing with no hope of recompense.

Fiction/non-fiction: What’s the difference?
 Fiction: writing that attempts to reveal a great deal of truth. Non-fiction: writing that attempts to conceal a great many untruths.

How long have you written?
 About two and three-quarter hours at one stretch.
ormally, it works out to about 13 minutes.

What’s the best length for a short story?
 Shorter. A lot shorter.

What is “writer’s block”?
 An inability on the part of a writer to block out the external world and do some writing.

When does writer’s block occur?
 Surprisingly enough, writer’s block never happens except when a writer tries to write.

Do you ever suffer writer’s block?
 Occasionally. It usually strikes when I begin a complicated

What drives a writer to write?
 Possession of a pen, a pencil, a typewriter or a word processor.

What is the secret of good writing?
 Getting eight hours sleep the night before.

Your advice on sentence construction?
 Keep a large supply of periods on hand. Use them often.

Can you list the essential story requirements?
 A beginning. A middle. An ending. Make sure you have an ending.

Do you write about what you know?
 Well, not everything.

Most popular place writers go for story ideas?
 To bed.

Do you advocate using obscure foreign expressions?
 Nyet.

Just what is a story plot?
 Whatever. (Whatever happens, that is.)

Must a story end on a positive note?
 Positively not.

How do you handle dialogue?
 Always place it between quotation marks.

What does copyright mean?
 It means you don’t have the right to copy someone else’s work.

Why refer to a writer’s output as “work”?
 Because it IS.

What makes a good story plot?
 Thickening. As in: “The plot begins to thicken.”

Can you explain writer’s cramp?
 No — but I know it hurts like the dickens.

Where do writers get their story ideas?
 I dunno. Where?

Should one attend a writing seminar?
 One should — but not alone.

What in the world is a “hack” writer?
 The kind of writer most envied by all other writers — the kind that makes money.

What’s the greatest barrier to good writing?
 Procrastination. (As a counterbalance, the affliction also has a limiting effect on the amount of time spent on poor writing.)

How long does it take to get published?
 You’ll be happy to know that there is no time limit. It can even happen posthumously.

Do you believe in collaboration?
 Only from a great distance.

Should a writer read other writers?
 In the unlikely event the writer has grown tired of reading his or her own compositions, yes.

My chances for success as a writer?
 Plenty — the same as for failure.

How can I put dramatic action in my story?
 Try throwing it out the nearest window.

How does a writer stay in focus?
 By insisting nearsighted visitors wear glasses or contact lenses.

How do you start a piece of fiction?
 By sitting down at the old typewriter (or new word processor) and composing the first sentence.

What pleasure do you derive from writing?
 Doing a thing none of my friends thought (or think) I have talent, brains or patience for.

You advise short words in short sentences?
 Oh, yes.

Are you a prolific writer?
 Not since the vasectomy.
   – Anonymous

Character development: important?
 Extremely. Without developing his or her character, the writer might never get down to serious work, let alone complete a story.

Do you write only about what you know?
 Yes, especially since the lawsuit.

How many drafts do you consider necessary?
 The number doesn’t matter. It’s whether or not a draft blows the papers off your desk.

What about self-addressed envelopes?
 Convenient as it might prove, it’s hard to imagine an envelope ever developing the skill.

What are 10 important writing rules?
 I’m sure somebody’s working on them.

What one thing makes writing easier?
 Having something to write about.

How do you choose story titles?
 The preferred method, as no doubt reported in a poll of successful writers, involves selecting a catchy title and coercing the title into choosing the story.

How important is an extensive vocabulary?
 Commanding impressive vocabulary expertise enables the writer versed in linguistics to improve upon any composition through the ingeneous expediency of replacing all the long words with short ones.

Can one earn a living at writing?
 I sincerely hope so. I’ll let you know when I find out.

What about part-time writing?
 Highly recommended. Holding down a regular job will keep food on the table, shoes on the feet, a roof over the head, gas in the tank and cash in the purse.

Don’t you hate having to revise a story?
 Not at all. It gives me one more chance to admire my writing.

What should one take to a writing class?
 Ears. Eyes. Paper. Pencil. Eraser. Change. (For the snack machine.)

Are there no humorous writers?
 Yes, indeed. You’ll find them holding forth in the economy sections of daily newspapers.

How important are story outlines?
 Extremely important. The more time you devote to an outline, the less time you actually have to spend on writing the story.

Precisely what is an action verb?
 One that picks up an idea and runs with it — sometimes skidding right off the page and crashing to the floor.

Can you define plagiarism?
 Plagiarism happens when someone uses my writing without obtaining permission — wholely unlike the arduous research involved when I employ the work of other writers.