Jokes About Writing

Jokes About Writing 

Alexander Pope (1688-1744) wrote: “Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see, thinks what never was, nor is, nor e’er shall  be.”

1. He should have put a finishing touch to that story–a match.
2. He’s putting everything he knows into his novel. It’s sure to be a short story.
3. It’s a first grade novel. The trouble is most readers have gone beyond the first grade.
4. As a mystery novel, it’s just run-of-the-morgue.
5. Reading his novel is like eating an artichoke: you have to go through so much to get a little.
6. His preface states that the characters bear no resemblance to any person living or dead. That’s precisely what’s wrong with his story.
7. He claims he puts fire in his writings. He better put his writings into the fire.
8. His writing should win the Pulitzer Prize-at least the first three letters.
9. The book will leave its marks on literature-like chicken pox.
10. He wanted to be a novelist. He has achieved his ambition: a bad novelist.
11. He writes books nobody will read and checks nobody will cash.
12. “The play of the future” is what he calls his latest brain child. Another like it and he won’t have any future.
13. No fewer than six characters die in his mystery novel and are interred in the plot.
14. He has taken up writing as a career and has already sold his laptop, watch, and coat.
15. The smaller the idea, the more words he uses.
16. He never gets to his last word.
17. His conclusion is longer than his discussion.
18. His summary is longer than the original.
19. He says his book is great: one you would hope he won’t recommend to you.
20. Owing to his redundancy his critics tell him to shut up.
21. He’s one of the best lecturers on writing– one you can hope to escape from.
22. His writing reminds you of a clarinet-a wind instrument.
23. His story is as loud and useless as my worn-out socks.
24. His essay reads like louse’s idea of Heaven.
25. He must have been suffering from indigestion when he wrote this story.
26. Had Moses known her, there would have been another commandment: not to read her.
27. Let me steady my nerves before I read his book.
28. As a writer he has an open mind-plus a mouth to match.
29. He makes me wish I had a lower IQ so I could enjoy his book.
30. Her book is something that one only meets in a nightmare.
31. Leave that writer and his writing alone-we can’t all be mentally sound.
32. He claims to be a successful writer-I’d like to shake his throat.
33. As a writer he’s a specialist in the monologue.
34. He would kill you with his writing: he doesn’t know how to use the comma and period.###