Hanging Out on The Page

Julia Cameron says to hang out on the page, give myself permission to just hang out on the page and listen. So I’m doing just that. Write for the sheer love of writing.  Remove the label of “being a writer” and write just to write. I think that concept has always eluded me over the years. I have a skewed vision of what it means to be a writer. I guess it’s what majority of “writer-wannabes” visualize. I have never really given myself permission to just write. To just sit on the page and write. I guess that’s what my personal journals are for.

Why do I want to write really? Well, I never really gave that a question an honest thought. I always knew I wanted to write. But I haven’t actually explored my deepest reasons. Of course, it’s nice to tell people that “I’m a writer.” It’s also a bonus to tell them that I have some published articles on the internet. But, in actuality, that’s all for recognition and impressing people. That’s not what a real writer does. A real writer writes for the sheer pleasure of it. A real writer has a big WHY for writing. So what the heck is mine?

I want to write because I want to share stories. I want to write something that will make a positive impact on at least one person’s life. Make that person smile, laugh, cry, or just think about life. I want to write because writing is my best form of communication, my way of “talking”. I want to write because that’s what I have always enjoyed, even if it’s just journaling. I have all these thoughts in my head that need to come out. I live in my head so writing is an outlet for me. That is, if I allow it to be. I’m stubborn-headed so most times I just let my thoughts linger in my head instead of writing them down. That’s when I start to drive myself crazy.

Writing is the one skill that I always knew I possessed. But even things we are good at need cultivating, practice, and improvement. Because I was a “natural” at writing, though, it never occurred to me to develop my craft. The arrogant side of me thought that the words would just come to me and everything that I wrote would be perfect. Slowly but surely, I’m starting to realize that it’s that very attitude that has held me back from writing all these years. Some call it perfection, but I call it arrogance because my writing hasn’t even started and I expect it to be perfect.

So here I am on the page. And I have already written over five hundred words without thinking too hard about it. I am writing this for the sheer love of laying my thoughts on the page. For some reason, this is different from journaling. In my journals, I am always trying to figure things out. Right here on the page, I am just allowing my thoughts to flow. It feels as if I am actually observing my life and myself from high above. It’s a great feeling. It’s as if I am letting go and allowing myself to write. It’s a wonderful feeling.