Cruel and Unusual Punishment

In the course of studying journalism, it has been constantly advocated in manuals and by lecturers that puns are the absolute pinnacle of engaging caption and headline writing. I understand that puns can be a useful (if somewhat dirty) trick of the trade. Though my feelings towards puns have softened over time from righteous fury to placid indignation, I cannot accept them as anything but a last resort. Puns are the blunt instrument of wit, fully supplanting sarcasm as its lowest form.

To use a pun is simply to acknowledge the existence of homonyms. Fair enough – English is rife with opportunities for exploitative ambiguity. But I must urge subtlety. For the sake of our souls!

Literary devices are like spices – just enough of each enhances a dish, while too much of one spoils everything. Puns are salt – bad for you in large doses, but nevertheless a reliable tool for disguising blandness. “Too salty” (or just “screw you”) is the risk you take with any unchecked application of puns.    

A pun slipped casually into a sentence can be mildly amusing to any who catch it. But some feel the insatiable need to FORCE the bastards in for a cheap laugh, gratuitously rearranging words to the detriment of humanity.

Worse still is the compulsion some feel to draw attention to a pun, as if an audience lacks the trio of brain cells necessary to grasp the sheer complexity of basic humour (‘humour’ used here in its slackest form). Television presenters are the worst offenders, placing a gruesome amount of emphasis on their unimaginative quips and smiling smugly in the embarrassing aftermath. (I know that it’s usually the writers who should be held accountable for this travesty, but the presenters always looks so damn satisfied; it’s impossible not to want to punch them in the head.)

Understand that I have nothing against puns in a social context; sometimes I indulge in them as a sort of guilty pleasure. I’ve become particularly fond - or at least tolerant - of geological puns. They totally… rock. Or maybe I’m just talking a lode of schist.

Laconic: Amateur use of puns as a guilty pleasure = okay. Rampant “professional” use of puns = potential herald of the Apocalypse.