Making Dialogue Realistic

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So you’ve read all the rules about dialogue, and your dialogue still doesn’t seem natural. Here are a few more tips to help you out.

Make it count. You’ve stopped worrying about grammar, and you’re writing like people really talk, but are you putting in stuff that doesn’t move your story forward. Everything that comes out of your characters’ mouths has to mean something to the story. It has to reveal something, motivation, desires, fears, plans, etc. You get the idea. Readers do not want to read something like the following:

“G’afternoon,” Joe said.
“Hey, Joe. What’s up?” Mary said.
“Nothing new. You?” he said.
“Same,” she said.
“You get that job?” he asked.
“I got another interview tomorrow,” she said.
“You’ll do great,” he said.
“Thanks. How’s your job going?” she asked.
“Eh, you know,” he said.
“Yeah,” she said.

Even though it is very realistic and accurately portrays how people talk, it doesn’t move the story forward. It’s like extra pieces to a puzzle—you don’t need them. So cut out the superficial stuff and get to the good stuff, but keep it real.

Tags aren’t necessary. Okay, that’s not entirely true. You do need to let the reader know who is speaking, but you don’t always have to start or end with “he said” or “she said.” You probably noticed the over-usage in the example above, so feel free to skip them if it’s obvious who is doing the talking. Even so, as far as tags go, “he said” and “she said” are the least intrusive, and your reader will hardly notice them, so don’t worry about making them more interesting.

Try not to reverse the construction, unless you want to draw attention to your tags and confuse your reader. Always use “Joe said” or “Mary said”, and avoid “said Joe” or “said Mary.” You might ask what difference it makes, and you’d be surprised. Readers are accustomed to reading over tag lines quickly, but if you change the order, all the sudden their brains say, stop, something’s different.

Remember, the tags are not what is moving your story forward. In keeping with the puzzle analogy, they’re necessary pieces, but they aren’t the pretty ones, so don’t add anything to them that will make them stand out.

Heads don’t float. In real life, people move when they talk. They aren’t disembodied heads speaking to each other. They walk, drink coffee, arch their brows, shuffle papers, etc. Show that in your dialogue. In fact, action is one of the best ways to spice up he said/she said or even eliminate them.

Let’s take the example above to see what we can do with it.

As Joe stepped off the curb, he noticed Mary across the street. Picking up his pace, he waved his hand to catch her attention. “G’afternoon!”
She looked up, smiled and waited for him to cross. “Hey, Joe. What’s up?”
“Nothing new. You?” He grinned, and tried not to show that his trot across the street winded him.
“Same.” She glanced past him.
He was blowing it. He needed to come up with something to regain her attention. “You get that job?”
“I got another interview tomorrow.” She bit her lower lip, and glanced past him again before looking up at him with those beautiful green eyes.
“You’ll do great,” he said, mentally beating himself up for sounding like a dork.
She chuckled. “Thanks. How’s your job going?”
“Eh, you know.” His smile widened.
“Yeah,” she said with a shrug and then smiled.

Same dialogue, but adding the action totally changes the scene. It’s still not a great scene, but the dialogue is realistic and with the action, the scene moves forward.

Here’s a little tip: If you find yourself writing, “he said, as he _______”, you can probably get rid of the “he said” and just keep the action. It will get rid of extra words that aren’t adding anything.