Five Steps to a Memorable Eulogy

Actually, I was lucky the first time I was asked to write a Eulogy. My friend was still living. She asked me to think about the fun things we’d shared and to tell about them when she passed on.

As awkward as it was, I began to think about our friendship of more than 30 years, our trips together, our shopping sprees, a fun time we had at Disney World, even a trip half way across the country to her grandson’s wedding. I thought about how we shared a love of arts and crafts and how many ideas we had worked on together.

Then my son was called upon to “say a few words” in tribute to a friend and I helped him put his ideas down. We built his eulogy around the fact that his friend was many things to many people.

“Terry was a son, a brother, a husband, a gardener, an animal lover, a recovered drug addict, a Harley rider, a great auto mechanic, a fierce racer, a lot of things to a lot of people but most of all, HE WAS MY FRIEND!”

Terry’s tribute had to include some anecdotes about racing and here is how it began.

“The one constant thing throughout the time I knew Terry was his love for racing. He loved all forms but he really liked NASCAR and especially Dale Earnhardt. The man in black was his hero. . . . I could get him so mad on Monday morning by just saying something about how bad his boy did on Sunday.

After a couple more paragraphs about Terry’s racing, Chuck wrapped everything up with a bow by bringing the ending back to the beginning.

“So at this time of his passing, don’t be sad. Just think of all the things Terry is telling Dale Earnhardt right now. Yes, Terry was a lot of things to a lot of people, but most of all, Terry was my friend.

Here are five steps to help you put together a meaningful eulogy:

1. Spontaneity. Make a list of things you think about when this person comes to mind. What hobbies do they have, what activities were they involved in, what social events marked their life (i.e., who was president when they were born, died; what historical things did they witness?)
2. Associate. Take each item from your list and associate the item with a particular event or recall when you first had knowledge of it.
3.  Get Personal. Tell how you came to know the person. Tell what kept your friendship going.
4.  Pull the ending back to the beginning. Think of a beginning and an ending and tie them together.
5. Give the listeners hope. Help the audience to see that the person was happy, even if it was a brief happiness in a mostly troubled life.

I remember when Pope John Paul died and a reporter said he was probably catching up on all that had been happening with Mother Teresa. That gives the listeners a sense that there is hope for an afterlife.