Looking at the Triond top ten hits I am beginning to realize that humor does not pay well on this site. Here are my very favorite comical websites with a brief retrospect as to why they did not make me millions:

1. “There’s a Woman Living in My Closet”

   This article was written in response to the Yahoo article about the man in Japan who realized after one year that a homeless woman was living in his closet. The title is really superb, but I have made less than a buck so far on this very funny (if I must say so myself), piece. I wrote it in less than an hour and I although I have received some positive responses, I am not sure Triond users get it. So I will type slowly and repeat. “There was a man in Japan who found a woman living in his closet after one year.” Get it? This true life title alone is funny!

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   Perhaps I should have entitled it: “Hilarious and Spectacular Closets of Homeless People” or “Extreme Closets That You Must Bookmark.” I just don’t know.

2. “What Color is Your Underwear and Other Critical Interview Questions”

   This hysterical article is not getting the recognition on Triond that it so richly deserves. It is funny people! The research that I conducted proves that most serious articles on “interviews” are marginally helpful and maximally obvious. But then I guess people can be pretty stupid. Instead of doing a parody on being an “interviewee” I brilliantly turned the tables and made it about an “interviewer.” I found the title to be absolutely riotous and while I have made a buck or so I am not going to be able to retire to my palatial “crib” anytime soon.

   A better title might have been “Essential Questions That You Must Ask When You Interview or Die After Suffering a Long and Miserable Life” or “Critical Questions About Your Undergarments and the Workplace That You Have to Read Today.”

   Yes, looking back perhaps one of these titles would have made me a Triond top writer. Who knows? But I have collected over 50 “I Like Its” and I only hit that button once, or maybe twice.

3. “The Mile High Club”

   This humorous piece is bursting with incidents that have personally happened to me. I thought the title was pure genius and that alone would give me plenty of views. But alas, no one around here must know what the “mile high club” refers to or they have a puritan sense of humor. The entire article is not just about becoming intimate in the Biblical sense while flying on a commercial airline. It is full of other funny experiences that we all encounter on airlines with the ugly, smelly and rude masses of humanity.

   A better title might have been, “Hot Pictures of Wacky Airline Passengers Rated XXX” and I could have included lots of pictures. People on this site do seem to like pretty photographs, like 5 year olds love picture books. Too many words must be really scary to so many.

4. “Coach Girl”

   This piece was a true classic and timeless in so many ways. I was truly shocked that this piece alone did not afford me the luxury of acquiring hundreds of new Coach Purses.

   I have to wonder if Triond readers live near a mall or know women who “shop til they drop” and live for designer labels. I guess the sophistication of the piece was too much for the average reader.

   A better title might have been, “The Real Cost of Coach Purses and Why You Must Read This Incredible Article.” Then of course if I provided extreme free music links that might have sent it skyrocketing through the top ten of Triond. Yes, that would definitely have produced a hit and I would have earned more than a buck so far. Music rocks!

5. “Ten Tips to Not Offend People”

   This article is satire at its finest. It was written in response to the outpouring of humans that were offended by my believing and non-believing groupies in my controversial piece entitled, “11 Mistakes That Parents Make.” Oh boy I managed to offend everyone from all walks of life and faiths in this piece. Take a moment to read the 300 comments.

   But this article “Ten Tips to Not Offend People” was rich and deep in dry humor like a fine wine or a bottomless pit. It was also exceedingly witty to the intellectual. I truly feel that it was one of my finest entertaining articles to date. Jay Leno and David Letterman are you reading this? Of course they aren’t! Who believes that? (If you are Jay or Dave call me-okay?)

   Still, you readers here on Triond again left me wondering if another title like, “Fascinating Ideas to Make Everyone Happy and the Unbelievable Websites That I Can Cut and Paste For You to Prove It,” might have been better.

Poets have also been showcased here on the top hits of Triond. Anyone can be a poet as long as it is expressive! I will write about love. Yes, love! How is something simple like:

“Love is nice
Nice is love
I am happy
Happy I am
Go dog go!”

I know if I wrote this poem I would receive comments such as “You have done it again” and “Enlightening.”

Oh well, you get my point.

But where will I go now that I realize my comedy is not breaking the bank you ask? I won’t be standing on a street corner anytime soon holding a sign that says, “I Lost on Jeopardy and Triond.” No of course not. I have some dignity!

But I was thinking about getting into television, game shows specifically as they seem to be hitting big. My article could be entitled, “Top Three Hundred Episodes of Wheel of Fortune!” At least I would be dealing with words and this is a site for writers after all.

Regardless, I have successfully proven that Triond readers have no sense of humor and I have done so without using any pretty, pretty pictures or free trampoline video links.

Yes, comedy does not pay here on Triond and what a shame for all of you to not experience me! But mostly, what a tragedy for my bank account!