The Value of Writing a Diary or Journal Online – Part Two

Anne Frank wrote in her diary “I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing. I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.”

I think I understand what Anne Frank meant. Almost eight years ago I began an online journal for very practical reasons, my husband had been diagnosed with bowel cancer and I needed a way to share information with all his friends and colleagues without having everyone phone us every day. It was hard to cope with work, children and a sick husband, I understood that people were well meaning but having to repeat the same information over and over was exhausting. In an odd way I was able to be more open by writing the information down, it enabled everyone to have a reliable source of up to date news, and they could all leave as many comments and messages as they liked.

I already had experience of serious illness and I knew that I could not write about the illness in isolation, my husband was a whole person, a father and a husband, I had to show the bigger picture, I was writing about a family facing a tough situation, but it was still possible to take pleasure in the little things. Once I started writing I realised it was good for me too, it helped me to face each day and to value the small triumphs and special moments. It was a source of encouragement and it played a part in keeping me sane during what were to be my husband’s final weeks of life. Here are some diary extracts from that time

Eric felt really weak and unwell when he got up this morning. It is difficult for him because he has to eat so that he can take his chemo tablets, but eating is the very last thing he wants to do. He found having a bath so exhausting that he just couldn’t manage a shave – and the Fred Flintstone look really doesn’t suit him!! A rest and a phone call from one of his friends from work brightened him up…….

I made sure Eric got up at a reasonable time, I was determined that the ‘caveman look’ should be attended to. By the time I left for work Eric had bathed, shaved and breakfasted on cornflakes, a banana and a build-up milkshake. After all that effort he needed a rest, then he spent some time checking his email and catching up on a few phone calls. By this evening he was sleepy again, he only woke up when I tried to sneak the TV remote control away from him!  

I don’t think I have ever dreaded a day as much as I dreaded Wednesday; but it has happened and is behind us now. …………. The journey to the crematorium took us past Eric’s ‘favourite’ speed camera, I couldn’t help wishing the hearse would speed up just for him! Eric was very proud of the fact that when he died he had an absolutely clean driving licence – quite an achievement if you live in the speed camera capital of England.

After my husband died I kept on writing, it was a way of putting one foot in front of the other and it was easier to write things down than to answer well meaning questions. So many people asked how I was getting on but it really isn’t something that can be answered in a couple of sentences. In writing about the ordinary things of the day I found some comfort and I was able to keep in touch with the many people who were concerned about me.

On Tuesday Sam came home from school and told me they had had the `men’s talk’ at school. I asked what it was about and he shrugged and said “sweat mainly”. I was a little surprised, but at that point I didn’t realise the full implications. Sam announced later that from now on he had to shower daily; I tried to point out that his bed time bath was just as good, but I don’t have the same authority as his teacher. His teacher said shower, so shower it must be, he said morning so our entire morning routine was thrown into chaos. Worse of all he apparently told them to get up early, so Sam who takes everything literally, set his alarm for 5am. When his alarm went off he was too sleepy to get up so he put the clock on snooze and we were serenaded every five minutes until quarter to seven! He then monopolised the bathroom causing his sisters to become frantic. When he eventually emerged he had used so much deodorant that the rest of us required breathing apparatus to use the bathroom! I can’t cope with many mornings like that.

My brother in law told me he laughed out loud when he read my previous post about Sam and the shower; he recognised a mini Eric in the making! We used to call Eric `the man from Atlantis’ because he spent so much time in the shower.

If you have an online journal you will need to set yourself some rules about how much you identify yourself and others and about the way that you use photographs. Everyone will make their own decision on this. I only use photographs with permission and in the case of children I am especially careful not to identify them or embarrass them. Remember you don’t have to write about everything and you don’t need to tie yourself up in detail, in most circumstances less is more!

My life has moved on now, I have remarried and my children are almost grown,  but I still write an online journal, it has become part of me. Here is one last snippet from the early days of my online journal

What a day? Just when we had the shower situation under control, Sam had another PHSE lesson – this time they talked about shaving! I am well aware that there is a bit of a family obsession about shaving so I got his teacher to tell me what had been said to make absolutely sure that Sam didn’t go away with any crazy ideas. They had talked about how and why aftershave should be used and when they may need to start shaving. All seemed to be well untillater in the evening when Sam went upstairs to get ready to go to his school disco. He got Eric’s electric razor out and for reasons best known to him he shaved off part of his left eyebrow. This has left him with a rather quizzical look. What was even more noticeable was the overwhelming smell of Boss aftershave; I think he must have bathed in it. I could hardly breathe when I gave him a lift to the disco, I don’t know how they coped with him all evening! Eric would have loved introducing Sam to shaving. He collected razors as obsessively as some women collect shoes or handbags. In fact the only person I know who is more obsessive about shaving than Eric, is his dad.

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