THE True Love is Unconditional
We need to feel loved to be good about ourselves, need to feel affection. If we do not feel loved, we are looking for an almost unhealthy love for us. Our actions are then asked only for the sake of pleasing the other. Why some of us can they do so, to act on the desire of others rather than their own desires?
Why act on the desire of others?
This need to respond to the desire of others is most often from our childhood. If, in my childhood, I had the feeling of not being loved, or rather if I felt the fear of not being loved, I can stay in this anxiety.
What circumstances can I feel this fear of not being loved?
It’s just the times when your parents say, “You’re mean, I love you more. ”This can happen because you have broken a vase, because you had bad grades in class, or because you pull your sister’s hair?
This remark: “I love you more” is terrible, very frightening for a child. It will internalize it and thought, “If I’m not like my parents want, they love me more. ”. He then learns that love is conditional. My parents are willing to love me as long as? I am nice, orderly, obedient, clean, helpful, smiling, good student, good at sports, etc..
But true love, the one who helps a child grow and build is unconditional. Rather, the “I love you, though? ”That” I love you only if?”
This does not mean it never fails scold her children! No, they need benchmarks, to be served limits, they must learn to respect others.But
they should be scolded because we love them, to help them grow and not scold them because we do not love them anymore.
Many parents think that “It’s no big deal to say I love you more” because the children know we love them? But this is wrong. They always need to be reassured on this point to feel safe? So when we love unconditionally, this is not the time to drag them to fear.
Separate act of the person
Simply change the mode of expression. Say, “I do not like what you did” when he bit his sister is more than justified, while saying “I love you more because you bite your sister” is destructive. So just to separate the act of the person. We can also say “Your math homework is zero,” but never tell a child “You are nobody.” Because no one is reduced to an act.
In total, it is important to love her child unconditionally, it would not be healthy for all to love everything he does!
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Tags: child, love, Mary J. Blige, parent
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