That Loving Feeling

There have been many times in my life when I could not have imagined the course my life would take.  In particular, I remember how badly a divorce felt.

But I also never anticipated meeting so many wonderful people as a single woman.  Remembering back to the feelings at first lust and mistaking them for love gives me chill bumps.  I would experience this same feeling once more as an adult at about the age of thirty.  When I met the love of my life, we both felt like teenagers again.  Whether true love or lust, the excitement and joy is the same for me.

Little did I know when Sam asked me to dinner that I would be hit by Cupid with a ton a bricks.  Sam was still married and I knew it.  I did not have to ask him as he told me he was separated.  I complimented his beard and he chuckled.  He explained he did not desire to be a bearded individual, but that shaving always made him break out.  I touched his face and a warm feeling came across my whole body.  He pulled me toward him for a small kiss.  After all, we were in public.

As we arrived back where my car was parked, we sat in his truck.  For a couple of older people, we sure did fog up his windows.  This is the only time in my adult life that I have ever felt that lust feeling again.  And I continue to feel it anytime I touch, talk to or even think about this man.

But with age comes baggage.  Sam and I never could make the relationship work long term.  But I have learned never to say never.  So here I sit at fifty years of age.  And life is young. 

I talked to Sam just this year when his ex died.  I was simply going to express my heartfelt condolences.  Or so I thought.  I was upset for two weeks.  My world turned upside down.  That lust feeling was still present and stronger than ever.  It surely is true that you cannot help who you are related to or who you love.  It’s all in that loving feeling.