Many have asked the age old question “How the heck-diddley-roo can I make enough money to buy that novelty pencil sharpener that I once saw at that store and wanted to buy but sadly didn’t have enough money and then later when I did have enough money forgot all about it?” Well folks, so have I, so have I. Now let me tell you that if you are a budding Triond billionaire, then you are reading the right article because my friends, you may have guessed it, this is the one and only, genuine, foolproof guide to making some serious moolah from your Triond articles (all the other articles proclaiming such results should be rigourously ridiculed). So, without further ado, I can now present to you the 5 step method for making millions via Triond:

Step number 1): Create a Triond account. This may sound like a simple step but it is absolutely fundamental in securing your Triond fortune, without it you’ll get squat.

Step number 2): Write a riveting article. This is, ironically, actually the easiest step in the program. All you have to do is write an article. Thats it, just write it. Heres a few pointers to get you on your way: firstly, try to avoid using words you don’t fully understand otherwise you’ll come across as an illiterate ponce. Secondly, try to write something original and interesting that you would want to read. Thirdly, explore hidden niches, preferably one that contain thousands of mega keen enthusiasts with tendencies to reread articles up to 100 times each. Such niche articles may include: “why ducks have a better sense of humour than women”; “how to make your own trendy fashion items only using items that can be found in a sanitary disposal unit”, or even “how I learn’t the hard way that parrots can’t be trusted with sensitive information”. Avoid boring and common article themes such as: “making more money on Triond”, “How can I, like totally, improve my views on Triond?” and “How to make serious money from your Triond articles (FOOLPROOF!)”

Step number 3): Advertise your article. There are three main ways of doing this:

1: make a hilarious and original viral video of yourself and post it on the internet and add a link to your Triond article. Thus when the millions of people view your video maybe 7 of them will click on the link to your article. (This method is quite tricky as it requires an originality of thought often lacking in people who click on Triond self help manuals such as this).

2: Create a vast, online, friendship network of people who you couldn’t care less about in reality but on your various social networking sites you lovingly leave messages such as: “U lk gr8 in that pic bbz, wish i woz as prty as u lol! xxx” or “great article mate, really well written, keep up the good work” having never read the aforementioned article (come on, admit it, we all do it don’t we?)

3: Tattoo the link to your Triond article onto your torso and run naked into the highest profile event in your local town and hope it makes the news. (in my case that would be the bi-annual cow impersonation competition, really great event).

Step number 4): Leave a humongous turd load of comments and shallow accolades on your ‘colleagues’ articles. The less sincere the better. A quick scan through the article should give you enough info that you can waffle on about in a seemingly earnest critique of the piece. Try to slip in a couple of “…If you get the time maybe you could read my article:…” or “…that really relates to my article:…” or “…WOW! this is almost as good as my article:…”s into your comments (don’t be too generous though).

Step numero 5): Sit back, relax and let the cash come rolling in (all 6p a month of it).