Like you, I was skeptical in the beginning. How did I turn my brilliance, clarity, and eloquence into the massive fortune it has become? How did I, a humble writer, turn fourteen cents a day into the goose that lays those golden, over-easy eggs with hash browns and toast?

Keep reading and I will share my three, or four steps to success.

Step One (Trust Me)

I urge you to watch all of the late night paid advertising that you can stomach. It sounds crazy, but those shows contain the psychological groundwork necessary to enable you, insert your name, to sell anything to anyone by way of the written word. Think of a young musician practicing their scales on the family piano – Your adorable younger sibling perhaps bangs on the piano day and night. In their little delusional mind they are headed to rock stardom. In yours, with that incessant piano clawing out the Do, Rey, Mes – well it’s enough to make you crazy. And you’d be justified in feeding the kid laxatives, but instead, you take three Valiums and mellow out. Am I right? The point is you need to learn those scales before you can play. And my friends, those movable scales are the infomercials on your tv between 2 and 4:45 am.

To prepare I recommend three large Redbulls and your favorite bag of porkrinds. You must watch them religiously with the following warning: These programs generate subliminal hypnotic vibrations to a small part of the brain that releases credit card endorphins. No one is safe. Did you know that Craigslist was founded as an outlet for infomercial purchases? Ever wonder why the infomercial channels are blocked in hospitals? They don’t want the patients eating cubic zirconium and riding down the halls on John Deere weed-eaters shouting “The Russians are coming!” Don’t believe me? Check out the AMA Journal article entitled “Patient Uses Free Orrick Vacuum Attachment on Hostile Doctor”

Many of you are asking the question – How long must I watch the Hot Dog Express until I have mastered the fine art of writing marketable content? Well friends, the answer varies. For a lucky few, once is enough. Many ask me how will they will know when they’ve soaked up enough sales vibrations to write like me? I always say it’s much like swallowing a barium enema. You’ll just know.

Step Two

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