Authentic Living Has a Price

Being at one with your life in a particular day can be hugely challenging.  I’ll give you an example.  Today I went to an agency to speak with someone and was escorted into the directors office after waiting for 30 minutes or so.  I waited another 30 minutes and told the secretary I would have to leave to pick up my son at school.  Now this is where this scenario becomes a decision making process.  I could have gotten angry and frustrated and given someone a piece of my mind and taken the view my time was wasted.  Another possible response is to think its great that I finally got to see the person and I now have a face to put to a name and vice versa.  Buddhism teaches to be at one with the moment and to not resist pain for it is futile.  My pain was not having my needs met and not achieving my goal which was to have a meaningful conversation with the director.  However, I had an opportunity today to show this person that I am mannerly and patient and that I can accommodate a change in plan with grace and dignity.  I am working each day to create structure and routine in my life which is essential for a person recovering from unipolar illness.  Getting in the shower today and putting on my makeup was a huge accomplishment for me today.  That in and of itself was important and I got to spend time in another environment and to be around people.  The woman at the reception area was stylishly dressed and her manner was accommodating and professional.  I found myself wondering if she was the founder of the organization in for the day to help out.  The waiting room was functional with sparse seating along the wall and one gets the sense that the agency needs every penny to get by.  However, this organization does impressive work in that it supports the single parent in their journey towards independence and identity.  I am one of these people and because of them I now have decent and affordable housing from which I can springboard my life.  Some days I feel uneasy about where the future is going to take me but I hold a conversation with myself and in a nurturing voice tell myself its going to be ok.  I know what jobs are right for me and which ones I should avoid.  I have an inner voice that guides me to the path I am meant to be on and warns me when I drift off course.  I cannot tell you that the process is an easy one but I can say that I feel free to pursue my dreams in an environment that makes me happy.  I am a city girl from way back and I grew up in Toronto so I am well use to having all the amenities surrounding me.  Rural living is good for some but for me it has always felt like a major inconvenience.  My mood is strongly linked to where I am living and how comfortable I feel where I am.  The same holds true for my occupation and when I have drifted into the wrong job I have been utterly miserable.  Life is a process and there are many bends and crooks along the way that bring unexpected events into our lives.  I didn’t see relapse into illness as a possible outcome after being in remission from depression for some twenty odd years.  Now I am here and I must listen to the signals that my body is giving me.  I am directed to rest when I am tired and I must struggle to believe in myself following many parts of my life having been sloughed away.  Where will I end up in the journey I do not know.  I do know however that it will be in a better place then from where I came.  Who knows I might even be able to make a lucurative living at freelance writing or have my novel of short stories published.  Don’t be afraid to walk away from something if it is making you miserable or negatively affecting your health.  True living is found in leading an authentic and meaningful existence.  I challenge you the reader to give it a try!