Are You Fan or Foe?
Many Triond members engage in online friendship while some join Triond only for selfish gain.
“Lay it on me, Junior,” repeated my tennis partner Ray. The first time he whispered “lay it on me” to the opponent delivering a serve, it distracted me. Now, I was laughing hysterically. The bright yellow fuzzy ball dribbled off of my racket into the net.
Ray, one of my best friends in high school, and my doubles partner, was also a foe. Ray’s wimpy taunt did nothing to affect the kid across the net, the one that Ray referred to as “Junior” but it did everything to distract me from my mission of lacing a speedy return across the net. Ray, my friend, became my foe.
High school tennis reminds me of Triond. Occasionally, and sometimes more frequently, a new member befriends me and sends me a message saying so. I am always interested in anyone who is interested in my work, so typically I take a look at that person’s profile. What I find sometimes disturbs me: a brand new member who has 150 friends, many more than what I have made in four months time.
After reviewing this person’s work, if I like it, I will reciprocate the friendship, leave a few comments, and return the message. All is well in Triondville. If I am not interested in that member’s work, however, I will not become his or her friend. He is she is welcome to read my material.
If in the future I find that this member is reading my material and making comments or sending me messages, then I will again take a look at their profile. Unfortunately, a common trend is for this person, who was so anxious to become my friend (fan), never gives me any indication that he or she is reading my material.
The only conclusion I can have is that this person has made dozens and dozens of friends randomly without the intent of reviewing these new friend’s works. Instead, they seem to have the motivation of introducing themselves to me and many others, so that we will read their work, but with no intention to read ours.
This is disheartening to say the least.
It is like Ray making me laugh and hurting our team.
I don’t like it at all, and I would encourage Trionders to treat this type of behavior with disdain. Or else love these members into friendship.
If you are reading this, then I know that you are my fan, or at least someone interested in this article. Thank you so much.
Watch out for those foes loitering around the dashboard…..
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January 22nd, 2009 at 3:55 am
Thank you for expressing that point, Brian. I have come across a few of them, myself. I have a couple times gotten a message in my box telling me they like my writing, so please return the favor AND feel free to leave a comment, but wait a minute, they haven’t left any on mine!
Now if they appear in my box then I will read a few of their articles but if I find their friendship is for selfish reasons then I will stop. I think it speaks volumes when someone takes the time to comment on your work because it’s not like we don’t have other things to do, so why not show your appreciation and return the favor!
Great article and God bless.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 am
Great article, Brian! I’ve also got friends who never comment on my work. I have no idea if they’re even reading it or not. When I add someone, I try my very best to read their articles. Sometimes it may take me a while to get through them all, but I’ll eventually do it.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
yeah. i dont know exactly how i feel about all the friend request and such. i have added a few friends just cuz they asked me too but really not too many. i like to return the reading favor. if you have comment on my stuff i am making every effort to make sure i go read one of you things….sometimes two or three till i find something i wanna comment on. and there are a couple triond friends that i do try to real most of what they do…..ijust dont have enough time in the day!
great article brian and have a great day!!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Darla, Debra, and Virginia, thanks for sympathizing with me and for sharing your mutual experiences. I think most of us do the best we can with supporting each other.
Debra’s point that we all have plenty to do is well taken. We join Triond in order to write, make a little cash, and enjoy an online community. We find the time for those activities and we enjoy it. We contribute to the growth of other writers and we make genuine friendships along the way while those interested in only their own interests try to take advantage of us. Enough! Brian
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Thank you for sharing your experience & article!
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Excellent article, Brian. I’ve found that some readers of my stuff do it in spurts … I may not hear from them for a few days, and then they read a bunch of stuff (and leave comments) all at once. That’s fine with me.
You’re right — there are those friends who don’t read any of my stuff. I guess the only pro to having friends like that is that if I’m on that person’s friend list, maybe someone else who is perusing his friend list will see me and will be curious about my writing. (That’s how I started making friends originally … I found a friend, then looked at that friend’s friends, and so forth).
Anyway, I appreciate the comments that you leave on my works!
Cheers, Joel
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
very well said Brian, yuo hit the nail in its head. but simply ignore those wannabes, just concentrate on your work and return the favor of those people who really are friends. you have lots of them brother.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
I have observed that trend too, but am glad and thankful to have real friends like you.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Liane, nutuba, papaleng, and Melody, thanks for reading. I’m glad (and disheartened) that you have these experiences too! I appreciate your friendship and encouragement. Brian
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Brian, I’ve run across this also. The new person is in my mail box stating “read me – I love your work and would like your feed back.” I check my comments and there is none from that individual, but giving them the benefit of the doubt I read a few articles, leave comments and then try to read articles from my established friends. I resent this more for those of my friends who are loyal, and now it will be longer before I can catch up with their articles, than for myself (who has been duped). In order to read more I am going to start reading when I see a comment. I will follow their avatar and read. Having had three recent computer crashes I am sorely behind, so must take short cuts.
Thanks for addressing this issue. Take care & G♥d bless
January 26th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Wonderful article Brian, I have also run across the foe in the bunch and after awhile I will delete them from my friends list. I understand we all get busy and sometimes we just don’t have time to visit everyone or their articles are of no interest, and that’s ok, but never coming around is defiantly not a way to keep friends. I will also say that I have made many many wonderful friends here and would not trade them for anything!
January 26th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Now I don’t have to write about this! It is indeed disheartening!
I’ve been here for a good 9 months and I only have 33 friends. About half of them don’t care about my posts. I don’t count comments but I can see the obvious on the view counter of triond. Some people will tell you they checked all your works and liked them all so they added you as their “friend” and expect you to do the same for them. You check your view count and you see no change at all! This is easy for me to figure since my works are very unpopular!
January 28th, 2009 at 2:56 am
dude..thats happened to me as well.
Good getting it out there.
Cheers.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:39 am
I like your writing style – I tend to think it makes mine look somewhat juvenile, but then, that’s the way I like it
I agree too – I am only new here, but I don’t see the point in adding friends unless there is something you like about another person’s work, or if you think you can learn from their writing.
I’ve only made 97 cents in the month I’ve been here, and I guess many are the same. So wont be making my fortune soon, so time to evolve my art (while I keep my day job) and enjoy others work’s too in the process. There are some very clever writers here.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Judy, I understand your frustration.
Lindalulu, I appreciate your grace.
Majic, I feel your pain.
Denus, I sense the camaraderie.
Bruce, welcome to the 97 cent club!
Thanks guys for reading and adding your unique perspectives.
Brian
January 31st, 2009 at 9:42 am
Great write.
Oh and I totally understad the tennis part, I know people like your friend. lol
January 31st, 2009 at 11:56 am
vary good points in this piece we all want to be read and look for constructive comments be we should return the favor
January 31st, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I know the feeling. I just like many others have received friendship requests from people who haven’t even wrote anything yet.
thank you for sharing this with us.
Chris
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:56 am
This is so true, not only of Triond but every publishing site
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:35 am
I myself, try to read as much as I can of my friends articles. I enjoy something I leave a comment or I like it. There is nothing wrong with not leaving a comment all the time.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
What a briliant illustration. I’ve been away for a couple months but I still find this place a bit confusing with all the networking going on. I mean it serves it purpose when done correctly but if not it’s just another spam epidemic.
My favorite telltale sign that they have no clue about you and its all about them is when they send you a mass email that is intended to be personal, responding to your writing in general but they are WAY OFF. Compliments or not, they obviously were not in response to MY writing. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the emails that say “if you need some encouragement, read my article” orsome sort of intro – at least they are REAL.
Anyway, I admire your work and your heart. I noticed a couple others on your page that stand out to me – Papaleng and Debra Mann are very personal as well and I enjoy their work. Gotta love real people
February 8th, 2009 at 12:19 am
wow! very straight forward. The kinda guy you would want on your team. I like the article.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:11 am
I’ve noticed that type of behavior. The way I deal with it is, I visit the persons profile, read one or two of their work, I might even comment.They didn’t do any harm by looking at my work. I must also point out that there are some people whom see your name somewhere and they might be curious to know who you are. They might visit your page view your work and leave no comment You might see them as a fan. You might also confuse these kind with the ones seeking reads when they were just simply curious.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:08 am
LOL. Tis’ so very true is why I laugh. The truth of the matter is that every writer must read the works of other writers to sharpen his or her own skills. I write because that’s what I love to do. I read the pieces of other writers more for the pleasure of reading, as well as to improve my own skills and also for inspiration. Now and again I will make comments on something that moves me in some way, like this article. I could care less if someone reads only one of my pieces or all of them. I could also go either way about making friends here on triond, helium, or suite101. If I can make a friend in my writing journey, great! But if I don’t its no problem either. Brian you could have done something much better with your idea rather than making it a complaint. This article actually goes against your profile description. Maybe you were having a bad day?
February 18th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I can’t imagine the newsfeed if I have 150 friends..Yet, when you see most people’s profile, that is what they have…
I’ve also received emails that outright lying saying they have a thesis to do until the end of the month, and hit the I like it button but have no time comment on my stuffs, and when I check my other friends’ work, there it is the name of the person that sent me the email all over the place. I didn’t ask this person to be my friend or read my stuffs, why is it that “they” pick me out and lied to me!! I hate liars with a vengeance!!!
April 17th, 2009 at 3:36 am
I have noticed several of these “friends” as well. Sometimes they are bold enough to send me a message with links to their articles and tell me that if I read theirs, they will read mine. When someone new shows up on my fan page, I check out their profile. If they just added me today, but my picture is already buried on page 10 of their friends list, then I rather doubt that they have read any of my work.
I am obsessed with reading everything in my newsbox everyday and commenting on as many as I can, so I only add friends if I like their work.
May 26th, 2009 at 5:46 am
thanks for sharing this:) when i was a newcomer here in Triond, i came to think of having many friends but i’m not sure that i can afford the time to read their articles. But now i’ve made up my mind. I read others’ works and comment on them as far as i am impressed. everyone is a good writer:) God bless us all!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Here goes….
Spiritwalker, let me know where to sign up for the team. I’m in!
Jo, you just made my day with that encouragement. Thanks so much!!
Will, I appreciate your constructive feedback. I like my piece but take your good comments to heart. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Karen, BC, Alistair, Sunshine, Chris and Phoenixritu, I guess we are like-minded and have similar experiences. Thanks for writing.
S M, I like the freedom you give us in not feeling we have to leave a comment. I appreciate that.
Rizzei, you express the tension that many of us feel. Thanks.
Morgana, you give a very instructive correction to my points, adding some finer elements that I didn’t. I appreciate you rounding out my piece with this helpful material.
Brian
June 18th, 2009 at 2:00 am
I don’t see how someone can be in it expressly for the profit as profit is very little. HOwever, some people are oddballs.
I dont’ post as often since I don’t always have something to post. Then again, I will be busy with other things of life. I like to read a few of others writings when I do get the chance.
I don’t think that I will ever amass a fortune on the site. Nevertheless, I still like having my stuff out there on the offchance that maybe someone will read it. Plus, I like to write and “get things off my chest.”
Good points though as that does occur.
June 20th, 2009 at 12:41 am
I do shamelessly plug my content on twitter and facebook… I have taken the upside down pyramid approach CNN uses. They use social networks to make potential readers aware of where they can find the published content. I see my published content as the pinnacle of my efforts, This way i can filter out the inconsistent and disloyal friends on my publishing profiles.
Most publishing sites provide a way to do just that. Providing a way to get my content seen without the hassle of my inbox being flooded with my latest \”foes\” empty content that I have no interest in reading and vise versa.
A bad experience of friend request spam on eHow.com (an account so new I haven\’t even considered publishing on yet) made me determined to ruthlessly pick and choose who I will befriend and follow.
August 20th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
What you’ve said is so true! There are many people on Triond who just make friends for the sake of it and don’t bother comenting on your work every now and then. All they do is hope you become their friend and they expect you to comment their work. This is a clever point you’ve picked up on and I also agree that you comment those who you like whereas as those who you don’t you ignore!
Good and thought provoking article!
August 30th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Kay, I like your ‘tude. Laid back and serious, but mostly realistic. How refreshing.
Savage, thanks for sharing your strategy.
Atikin, looks like we are like-minded.
I’m grateful you each have taken the time to read me.
Brian