A Little Help Please
Posted on March 8th, 2010 in Online Writing by Lady Sunshine
I need help from my fellow writers.
I was asked to submit some poetry to a blog by a fellow Triond writer. I have already submitted several pieces and have been asked to submit more. I would like some help in choosing what pieces to submit, since I’m a very bad judge when it comes to my own work. Here are three pieces. Please take a look and tell me which is considered the “best”. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
I realize some of you have already read them, but I believe that will make you better judges in deciding which poems are the best. Thank you once again.
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March 8th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I like Bring me to life.
March 8th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Bring me to life the title alone attracts and all your work is top notch sunshine Goodluck
March 8th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
I’m glad you steered me on to these as I had not yet read them. You have them already listed in the order of my preference. The first one really blew me away.
March 8th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
All three pieces are so good. It is difficult to choose one, but perhaps ‘A Shiver Went Up My Spine’ would be my choice.
Christine
March 8th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Oh dear, this is very difficult for me because I think of your write all the same and very highly.
Why no submit the three.
If I have to pick, then oh dear.
“Bring me to life”.
March 8th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
I would suggest prescence felt.
March 8th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
All three are great but my favorite among them is “Bring me to Life”
March 8th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Hi Lady Sunshine, this is a hard task you have given us. All three are such excellent work, you could summit all three, but if I had to choose, it would be “A Presence Felt”
March 9th, 2010 at 12:42 am
bring me to life
March 9th, 2010 at 6:29 am
Lol. I figure this would make you even more confused. Just close your eyes and pick one.
March 9th, 2010 at 8:56 am
Three outstanding poems, wheeh , hard time to pick which is best. I’ll go for the ” A presence Felt”. It’s short but with nice flow and good deep thoughrts and I like the picture if that will count.
March 9th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
I have no idea…I hope you can solve this problem. God bless sunshine…
March 10th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
I loved all the three poems. I’m confused on which to choose; however, I would go with “A presence felt”
March 16th, 2010 at 6:12 am
I love the bring me back to life thing, Lady S.
March 16th, 2010 at 11:50 am
I happen to think that because of its drama/action, “Bring Me To Life” is your best of these three. It will need a little polishing though. Instead of ellipses, use skipped lines for pausing effect, and don’t forget to solidify the direction of the thoughts and language flow. In other words, make it sound like it works grammatically.
I like “A Presense Felt” second best. My suggestions for that one: if you put a little more structure into it by breaking lines where sets of words end instead of splitting the segments, and skipping lines where you want to pause for effect, I think this one will improve dramatically.
The last one has good structure, but the repetition is a little too much in my opinion. Drop a few stanzas and keep the most powerful ones and I think this one will regain most of its lustre. To improve the structure a little in this one, try not to think of free verse in sets of 4, instead, imagine posting mixtures of line sets with your last line repeating. That may make it look even better.
Of course, these are all only suggestions, which means you as the writer have the freedom to choose what to ignore and what to heed. Thanks for the great reading material, and good luck to you. Have a good day.
March 25th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
All three look good to me.