Lies, Sex and Conversation

Deborah Tannen’s essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation is a wonderfully written and accurate description of the average conversation styles of men and women. Women certainly tend to be more talkative at home and in relationships, while men tend to be more talkative in broader social situations. I will expound upon this basic statement momentarily, but I would like to take a second to insert a clause about men and women who DON’T fit into that particular stereotype. This past Thanksgiving, this particular topic came up over the dinner table, as my brother had just read this essay and thought it was particularly interesting. He outlined the basic thoughts in the essay and just left it out there for the family to weigh in on. My aunt was the first person to respond with “Talkative in social situations? Yeah right. All men try and do is out B.S. each other. There is no conversation going on there”. My aunt is an obvious example of a woman who isn’t afraid to speak her mind in a social situation. Obviously there are men and women who fall outside of this stereotype, and that’s perfectly fine. As a matter of fact, the ones who are a little off-beat wind up being some of the most interesting people to talk to, but the fact still remains, that the majority of men and women fall into Tannen’s stereotype. I tend to notice men being much louder and more talkative in gatherings of friends and family than the women, but even in situations at those same gatherings, it is much more likely that I find myself cornered and in a 1 on 1 discussion with a woman than a man. Men are simply fonder of playing to the crowds, while women tend to seek more intimate conversation. I think it is a blessing to have differences between the sexes when it comes to conversation, or social gatherings would grow quite tiresome (men) or awkward (women) rather quickly.